I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
