I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
