he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
