gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
