Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
