she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
