I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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