you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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