Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
