I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Say something about gay babies.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
