That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
