dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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