it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
