you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
