Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
