PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
