I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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