i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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