Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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