Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
