WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
