but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
