I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
