one might say we're banned from that church
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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