I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
