Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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