She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
