Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
