so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
4 words: hood of his car
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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