We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
