i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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