do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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