I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
