i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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