Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
