I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
