why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
