You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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