I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
