do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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