So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
