She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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