did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
