I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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