Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
