my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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