I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My life is pants optional.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
