I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
