I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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