Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
