I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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