Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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